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Back up off me

Small update for today.

I consider it small because nothing much has been going on in my life lately so it's going to be short and simple.

Had lunch with the tuition mates in Hilton KL on Tuesday. Finally got the chance to talk and catch up with each other. Then followed Yana to test drive the new Volks Golf GTI. Well I did the test drive for her. Kinda weird though considering that she's the one getting it for her birthday. Then went back to her house to just talk. Called Is and Haniff too because it wouldn't be fun without them. Talked for quite some time on her swing right above her pond like water feature.

Other than that I've just been sitting at home and doing practically nothing.

Classes are starting soon so I'm pretty excited about that. Definitely not excited about the results so let's just put it there.

Yea I went there.

Sometimes I don't know why I put up with matters that just annoy my brains. I mean, having people not replying my texts and thinking that it's fine. And when they do feel like texting me, I reply without even mentioning my frustration to them. I also don't know why I keep accepting bullshit from other people. Why do I let people tell me what to do. Tell me where to go and how to behave and what not. What do they have on me? It's not like they own me. I can practically tell them to push off but i wonder I never do so. It's like I take it in and never let any out. I shall learn to not be softy. I'm going to tell people to push off. To back the hell up off me. I shall not be owned by anyone. I am an individual and most important I am Fitri :)

I'm planned to go out tomorrow but I'm thinking of canceling. I sometimes find that other people don't know how to appreciate me. It's like I do so much and what I get is probably nothing. Maybe a scold here and there. And it's somehow getting me really pissed right now. I find it bloody annoying that people these days do as they please. Just because they're having a bad day they can take it out on me. Just because they have problems, they think it's fine to drag me in it too. I'm pissed. Yes I am pissed at you.

Mmhhhmmmm :)

Everyone is moving to Tumblr. Why? I don't know why. Maybe it's newer and people find it more amusing. But the thing is, they don't really blog on tumblr. They just reblog a photo from a different blog and add in a small caption and call it a day. Hello! Even i can do it. But i won't. I just visit those tumblr blogs so i can copy them funny pictures :D i loike.

I promised myself that i'm gonna start blogging again starting this week. I shall start where I left off and hopefully get into a nice rhythm. As for now, i'm going off to the last Raya open house this year. It's my neighbours open house. The only reason i'm going is to hopefully find satay and maybe duit raya. Yes i need all that i can get. My lifestyle is getting really expensive and i'm not even near proud of it. sigh.

That was just a phase.

Im going to try to start blogging again. I must say it hasn't been easy but I shall try again for the sake of my writing. I mean, it's good practice anyway. Plus, having a place to pour out all your feelings isn't a bad thing after all.

I've been feeling very random these past few days, it's probably due to the fact that fasting just started and might I say it hasn't been easy. I mean, i've been having frequent headaches and it just annoys me when I can't do anything about it other than sleep which is merely impossible with classes all day long.

The stress of class, assignments and exams have also started to kick in. I have about a month or so to pull myself together and buck up. I need to do better than before just to prove myself basically that I can do better if I just put in a little bit more effort. Hmmm effort. I hate that word. Even saying it feels heavy and hard. HAH! :)

So anyway, tomorrow is going to be a saturday. I am planning on going out with Natasha tomorrow but we don't know where to go. It's like we have gone everywhere and we practically have nowhere left to go. Kuala Lumpur please build a new shopping complex somewhere and make it really big which may take 3 days to finish one whole round :)

I'm off.

living a life

I 've been trying to start blogging again but I can't seem to get any ideas out of my head. I start typing then suddenly my mind goes blank and the post becomes a draft. Then eventually the idea just drifts away. Draft drifting wtf.

Life has been pretty unexpected lately. I've been facing ups and downs all week. Good things happen, then bad things happen. It's somewhat the only cycle of life which I'm not really fond off. But I guess some balance in life is not all bad. I mean, being happy all the time can be a little annoying.

Lately I've been seeing true friends and fake friends choose their sides. I've reached a point where I don't really care anymore. I want to be surrounded with people that support me. That comfort me. Those who constantly torment me into doing things for them, that is not a friend at all.

I also want to live my life. I want my life to be how I live it. I don't want to be tied down. I want to feel unlimited. As for right now. I'm just living. Please don't interrupt me.

Done

Life has really been uneven lately. So much have been going on and there is nothing that I can seem to keep up with. It's like I try and I try but nothing seems to be working. You know how people say that you can never try enough, but I am at a point where I'm getting sick of trying. Why am I always the one that has to try? Why can't someone else try for once. I don't see them try as hard as I am. They're just taking the easy way out. So that is why I'm saying this now. I'm done. I'm done with trying. I'm done with trying to be this person that you want me to be. I'm done trying to constantly fix what's broken just so things don't go too far. I'm done trying to pull you back to the ground when you fly too high. I'm just done trying.

I know I don't blog much these days but this is just something I can't hold in anymore.

You can be happy with your life. In order for me to be happy. I have to do this.

Screw you by the way.